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3.5/5
Non-Fiction
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Again, it's a fanfic, but it's 526k words, plus I read all of the after materials this time.
Rating: 5/5
Started: 17 December 2021
Finished: 21 December 2021
Summary:
Follows Remus Lupin from 1970 to the beginning of the events of the Order of the Phoenix, from his years as a marauder at Hogwarts with his kind and brilliant friends, surrounded by magic, to years of alcoholism and depression, and so much angst and mood in between.
Thoughts:
This. Freaking. Fic. The first half is everything that I wish the Harry Potter series had been—magic and pranks and friendship and glory—and the second half is war and pain but still incredible. Honestly, this read I kind of became numb right before Lily and James's deaths, and I am really upset and guilty that I couldn't do the whole read through and just be in so much pain the whole time because it's kind of cathartic to feel that bad about someone else, and also it would have been an amazing distraction from my life and the bs in my head. However, maybe now I will be able to go back and just read chapters to get back into the HP world without needing JK Rowling, which would be nice. Because, seriously ("no I'm Sirius") this fic is basically 300k words of Fred and George, but found family.
I am just so grateful that someone wrote this MsKingBean89 put so much thought and work and love into it, and the fact that it exists as art in the world is absolutely incredible. This read, there were some cool minutae that I noticed, little details that were ironic having already read the end once. One example was, when the Tonks's brought their baby to Christmas at the Potter's, they said that their child would, with certainty, never marry anyone at that table. Except the baby is Nymphadora Tonks, and she and Remus end up marrying and having a kid together. That made my laugh. I don't remember most of the other things that I found, since I was pretty tied up in the combination of feeling the story and hating myself for not feeling the story strongly enough, but if I read it again, I will definitely look for those and write them down. I also read the after materials, which were super good and super interesting. Greyback's one was fascinating (Daddy issues make daddy issues, I guess). But my favorite was Grant's. At the very end, when he met Remus's kid, I cried. Because Grant was such an incredible foster dad, and his love was dead, and then the child of his love showed up, and. Well. Remus being gone hurts, but the full-circle of it was beautiful.
In terms of music, this time I actually listened. I found the playlist on Spotify, and slowly listened to it while reading and while doing other things and hurting because, before I got numb, years 4-7 hurt pretty bad, not only because I knew where they were going, but also because I want to be a marauder. I want to be a British boy in the 70s going to a magical school and making the kind of friends you'd prank with and drink with and fight with and die with. The wanting of it is definitely worse than the pain that Remus experiences, and the pain of watching him and Sirius struggle to be together without conflict. They are all so smart. That's what gets me. They are lovely, and magic, and friends, and they're also so freaking smart. I want to be that clever so badly too. Well. That's all of the self-pity and misery that I want to put down on the page, but I promise it keeps going in my head.
Anyways, ATYD is magic. It is pain, but it is heaven, and I love it to utter pieces.